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Even the closest relationships can be very difficult. In fact, in many cases, the closer the relationship, the more difficult we find it to act lovingly. The old adage, “familiarity breeds contempt,” is all too often true.

What creates sustaining love? What are the habits practiced by people whose love continues to grow deeper and deeper? What might we practice that would move us out of the ruts in our closest relationships? Over the next few weeks we will be exploring habits that can begin to transform the way we relate to those we care about the most, whether friend, family member, or spouse. 

Habit #1 – Graceful Truth-Telling.

Jesus came bringing both “grace and truth,” according to the Gospel of John (1:17). Those two qualities often do not go together naturally. We know people who “tell it like it is”, and we know people who hesitate to ever step on toes. Most of us are wired with a bias in one direction or the other. 

Personally, I am wired to be hesitant about stepping on toes. I hate confrontation. The funny thing is that I have developed all sorts of effective rationalizations for avoiding confrontations. I tell myself “who am I to judge?” or reason, “it’s not really a big deal.” 

I know of others who will not hesitate to bite your head off with the truth. They rationalize that it is the other person’s problem if they cannot handle the truth. Both sides become experts at rationalizing, and nothing changes! 

Jesus never hesitated to speak truth, but in almost every situation He spoke truth with gentleness and grace. He did not hold back what needed to be said, but He spoke frankly with kindness.

The trick is to work to grow in the opposite direction of your natural wiring.

If you know yourself as one who has no problem telling it like it is, work to grow in gentleness and kindness. Learn to think before you speak. Ask yourself, “how can I say this truth with gentleness and kindness?” 

If you know yourself as one who hesitates to speak the hard words, or tackle the tough issues, be courageous! So many relationships are stuck because both people are unwilling to talk honestly and kindly about the really tough issues. 

What issue do you need to talk about with your loved one with truth and grace?

Do you most need to grow in speaking with kindness and grace, or do you most need to learn to be honest and truthful? Think today about how you might begin practicing the habit of graceful truth-telling.

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